Wandering and Doubting

Dawn, our youngest daughter, and I were leaving a short visit with each other.   Our conversation was closing down when she made a statement that completely awakened my mind.  The content of our conversation was lost when she said as getting into her car, “Not everyone who is wandering is lost.”   

At that awakened hearing, I considered that she may have invented the phrase.  Although her use was point-on, alas, it did not originate with her.  The saying is the second line of J.R.R. Tolkien‘s poem “The Riddle of Strider” from The Fellowship of the Ring.  In 2001 it was the title of an album by Chris Thile; in 2007, it was a song by DevilDriver; in 2010, it was a book by Steve Blank, and finally, in 2017, it was an episode of the TV series, Graves. 

How did I not know that phrase?  Obviously, my participation in the world is, at best selective.  The only use of the words I recognized was by Tolkien.  Maybe I had heard the line, but it was when Dawn used it that it rang resounding in my mind.  I love those experiences of awakenings to a new thought.  (At least “newish.”)

 I never pondered that thought. “Wandering” is so descriptive for so much of my cognitive life.  I have felt guilty for having a firm conviction on an issue today, and then a couple of years later find that it is lacking in explaining how life works best.  That is especially true of my religious beliefs.  What I believed as a young adult was not stable enough to handle what my mid-life challenges presented. 

For a long while, I stifled my questions because they seemed like I doubted my faith.  I sought solace and sustenance in doing the right religious things and in not doing the sinful things.  As a result, my spiritual life was less than joyous.  My sense of the “victorious life” was most often absent or lingering until I get to Heaven. 

I am now learning that as long as I live, I will be “wandering.” I won’t be lost, but I will continue to wander around life, testing what I know and adapting to what I am learning.  I will not allow my “wondering” about God to be considered “doubting” God.  If God is wonderful, we have to leave room for ourselves to wonder just how could all this be true?  I do not want to lose the “amazing” from my following after Jesus Christ.

Jan and I were talking yesterday on the way back from our masked grocery land adventure when I said, “I think I would just like to keep driving today and see where we end up.” Jan added, “And visit all the small-town antique shops.” That would be a fun trip for us.  Most of the memorable vacations for us have been choosing left or right at every intersection.  On one trip, we ended up at Mount Rushmore.  Two falls ago, we drove to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and spent a week just going where the car took us.  A few nights, we had a challenge finding a place to sleep but overall, we prospered.

When we make our “wandering trips,” we do not worry about getting lost.  We have our GPS!  All we have to do is touch the icon that says, “Home.”  Nor do I fear in my wonderings. I know the Holy Spirit will keep me on track.  And that is one of the things which causes me such wonder!

Not everyone can handle the unknowns of wandering.  Some folks need a plan, a course of action that reaches a predetermined conclusion.  There are times when I insist on that too.  Who wants even the most skilled surgeon wandering around in their abdomen looking for something interesting?

As I wander through life, I often come to places where I wonder.  How can all this be true?  Is there really a God?  Is the Bible really from Him to me or from men to me?  And many, many more questions surface.  Does this mean I doubt God and His self-revelation?  I no longer think so.  The concept of God is so much bigger than my mind can comprehend.  The Bible pushes me to the edge of my understanding and insists that I take one more step.  And that, my friends, is where wondering is transformed into faith or degrades into doubting.  And faith is nothing if it is not filled with wonder.  Faith is where we find just how wonderful God and His creation is. “Wonderful” is limited to our acceptance of living on the edge of what is believable and choosing to take the next step.  We will never know how wonderful God is until we wonder about the life He gives.

Of course, some folks choose to doubt.  I feel sorry for them, how limited the wonder of life must be for them.

In April of 2019, I posted a blog titled, ” Axioms are the axles of life.” I am going to add two more to that list, “Not everyone who wanders is lost.”  And the spinoff, “Not everyone who wonders is doubting.”

Photo – A Maine maple tree.