“Son, I’m proud of you.”

During my mid-teen years, I was not getting along well with my father.  If it were not for the genetic bond on his side and the economic dependence on my side, we probably would have gotten out of each other’s hair or at least each other’s sight.  This sticky parental relationship lasted well into my early forties. The mutual resentment was broken down by many small events, but for me, it was a single event; the evening Dad was following me back to the house from his wood shop.  Just as we rounded his car and was turning to enter the house; he laid his right hand on my left shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you, son.”  I still hear the words.  I still feel his hand.  I still feel the emotion.  I was forty-three years old and had three children; and, it was the first time Dad ever said those words to me.  It could be that it was not the first time he spoke those words, but it was the first time I heard those words. 

Something way down inside me was healed.  There was still much we had to learn about showing our respect and love for one another.  Dad did not treat me as harshly as his dad treated him.  I like to think I did not treat my kids like my father treated me.  I sincerely hope my kids do not treat their kids the way I sometimes treated them.

Your parents gave you a genetic blueprint and established the foundation for your character. There is nothing we can do to alter our genetics.  However, we choose what and how to build on the character foundation they placed in us.  As an adult, my character is what I have fed it to be.  My morality is established on the values I have chosen to accept.  I am responsible to take the contribution of my parents to my life and build the man I want to be.  I cannot complain about what I was given in life.

My Creator knew where He planted me.  It was not a mistake. It was not happenstance.  It was His deliberate plan to put me where I would have all I needed to become what He envisioned.  If I focus on what I want to become, I may indeed accomplish my vision.  However, I have lived long enough to discover accomplishments do not bring fulfillment.  If I choose to focus on becoming God’s vision for my life, I believe I will most certainly realize a deep down rising from the core fulfillment in life.

I need not ask God for it, for he has already promised such a life to each of His children.  I do need to surrender all other pursuits to be totally consumed with the adventure of discovering the person God had planned for me to be long before I was born. This is important not because it will please me and give me a great reward, but simply for the renown of my Creator.

I have just one more thought here.  Fathers make sure your children and your wife know that you are proud of them.  Your comments should not be in general but specific terms.  Tell them the attributes and accomplishments they possess that make you proud.  Tell them often and repeatedly but always tell them the truth. Sometimes you may need to fudge a little to let them know your pride.

Photo – Photograph of a pin and ink drawing by my older brother, Louie. It portrays my dad in his Santa suit in front of his wood shop.