The Battle of “Mid-way”

A friend I have known since he entered high school is pastoring his second church.  He is about to become forty years old.  He is mid-way through his productive years.  A new reality is dawning from deep within his soul.  An aggravating circumstance has brought this dawning to a profoundly emotional challenge.  He has pastored long enough to conclude his lofty dreams of changing the world will not be accomplished.  The early vision of the church triumphantly taking the Kingdom into a troubled community has become a deep frustrating bowl of frozen ambitions with a topping of disappointment poured over the top.

The vision of Kingdom advancement, which came with his calling and guided his educational preparation, no longer inspires the deep inner man to selfless devotion to “ministry.”  He is no longer a ministering shepherd to a local church body leading them into pushing the
“gates of hell” back.  He is discovering he is being coiffured as an assistant manager of “comfort religion” to a conglomeration of faithful pew warmers.  His dream of being a pioneering spiritual frontiersman has been ground down to what feels like being a peacekeeper to a collection of settlers trying to make a living in a hostile land while staying safely apart from the hostile aboriginal neighbors.

Denominational leaders are frantically trying to fan his evangelistic zeal and prod his church reproduction production.  But his church, having been seared by decades of unreached goals and downsized plans, seem to be saying, “That’s a great idea.  Have fun doing it.  Just don’t touch my pew.”

My friend is in the process of deciding between two significant challenges.  On the one hand, his congregation is shaping him to be their loving and devoted pastor who takes care of his flock where they are and protects them from all harm.  They want him to step on their toes and warm their hearts when he longs to step on their hearts and warm their toes. On the other hand, the voice of the Holy Spirit calling him to continue to surrender everything and only seek to be what he was recreated to become.  Jesus calls in this life, “to take up your cross and follow me.”

Does he choose to become what church people want him to be or what God called him to be.  The first option leads to comfort and security, the other option leads to guiding wandering and usually persecution.

So, what does he choose?  Sitting and reading this, the choice is natural, “Choose God.”  But when you are the provider for two small children and a devoted wife, possess a deep need to be as loving Jesus, and to be appreciated and valued; the choice is far more testing.

I know this man.  I know what he will choose.  And I grieve for the suffering and the life uncertainties that choice will bring.  But even more, I rejoice in the man he will become, and the glory that will spill out of his life everywhere he sets his foot as he passionately pursues to be fully God’s man in his own time.

There is a remote chance that I may be completely wrong in my assessment in this post, but I don’t think so.  What I have said was birthed in my own professional pastoral and personal spiritual journey this far.  I have reaped the fruit of my own choices; some of that fruit was bitter, but most of it sweet. 

Today, I have passed the battle of mid-way and now participate in the skirmish of life reflection.  I would not want to go back through the former, but I would choose to do so to be where I am today. I am happier than I have ever experienced. Life is still hard; exploration is always hard, but my Life-Giver is so very close, and the new landscape is so exciting.

Mid-way battles are not unique to pastors.  It happens to each believer.  We each reach a point when the struggle of Kingdom advancement has exhausted our patience and reserve, and we downsize our Kingdom inheritance for a desire for a less demanding and more pleasant calm in this life. The calm we seek is not here in this life.  Our peace is in the pursuit of a Person, not the absence of war.  “Calm” awaits us in the next life.  For, in this life, the push against the “gates of hell” will not diminish for those who diligently give themselves to discover and live the life they were “recreated” to live.

Photo: A mallard duck at the Nashville Zoo.