The silent panic

These are bewildering times.  Having never experienced a global pandemic, we do not know what to expect. 

Every news program is giving “Breaking News” updates and saying they are keeping us informed so we will not panic.  But judging from my last visit to the grocery store shelves, the message is not getting through.  People I have talked to say they are not panicking, but they still have a six-month supply of toilet paper in the house.  Reports inform us the virus will get a lot worse before this health threat passes.

I just got off a Zoom call with other deacons of my church and the church staff. A decision made to suspend all church activities will remain in effect until May or longer if further precautions are warranted. Today is a new day for caring for folks and growing disciples. It’s not a bad day, just a new day.  I like “new” days. It is always hard to get out of bed at the start of the day, but each day still contains exciting discoveries.  What we become at the other end of this health crisis will be fascinating to see.  At least I hope we use this unprecedented opportunity to explore what it means to be the Body of Christ in our world.

To that end, I have been thinking. I’m not thinking about how the church might change. I’m thinking about how I might change.  And how will that change in me and each of the other members collectively impact our church’s life?  I believe God is saying something to His people and all people.  I neither want to put words in His mouth nor miss the words He utters to us.

Having surpassed “three scores and ten” years, I have learned a few things.  Today I am reminded that one of my troubling characteristics is to panic in a crisis or significant change.  Panic is who I am; it’s a core value.  But I have learned how not to let it control me.  You might not notice it.  I might not even see it.  But it is there, silently hovering around the outer edge of my confidence in my abilities.  I panic because I do not have total control over life circumstances.  I know that at some point in my life, I will lose all control over everything from my abode to the commode.  Where does this primal fear of losing independence or control come?  Looking back, I know I first felt it when I did not want my parents, “bossing me around.” It is why I did not like the Army.  It was a significant obstacle to my marital bliss.  It is still a miry pit as I try to live out my beliefs about God.  There seems to be a continual soft voice in my character telling me I can do life on my own, and God’s way will not bring me the kind of pleasure I long to enjoy.

It is only in an honest search through my character that I discover the words of Jesus reassuring me,

“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, you really are My disciples.  You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”‘ John  8:31-32 (CSV)

THE Truth keeps me from panic, both the noisy and the silent.

Photo – Sunset in northern Nicaragua.