Not as much anymore.
A week or two into our first semester at New Orleans Baptist Seminary, Jan and I accepted an invitation to attend Sunday morning activities at a church on the opposite side of the Mississippi River. (I did not need to type Mississippi, but it’s fun to type Mississippi.)
We were one of the last couples to enter the room, which had more than twenty people our age. At least half of whom were also students at NOBTS. As such, we were appropriately greeted and given the “glaring” seats. You know, those last two chairs sitting perpendicular to the rest of the room and within kicking distance of the teacher’s table. And you feel like everyone is glaring at you.
Everything was going fine until we actually began to get into studying the Bible. The teacher, I assume, wanting to make us feel a part of the group, asked me to read a passage from 1 Samuel. Jan, my bride of one month, sat to my left. As soon as I heard the phrase “Fred, would you read I Samuel…,” my mind shut down. My Bible in my lap did not have any Samuels. In that horrific moment, I was sitting, not on a pedestal, but on a dunce stool.
I thought the Samuels were in the Old Testament, but I quickly became unsure. After fanning through the Old Testament in desperation, I begin to fan through the New Testament. I couldn’t find Samuel anywhere. Apparently, I had mistakenly received a Bible that did not include the books about Samuel.
My vision began to blur, and I could feel my face paling. The two reading assignments given before mine were read. I was going to be the first seminary in history that could not find a book in the Bible. And that in front of God and everybody in the world. Humiliation was about to rain down.
Just before I passed out from humiliation, my new bride, Jan, stealthily slid her open Bible onto my lap, and the most beautiful pointer finger I have ever seen sat on the verse.
Now all I had to do was read the verses out loud. At the time, and still now, I struggled with reading. And reading out loud, in front of strangers, is horrifying. But Jan’s hand rested on my left arm and soon, though not soon enough, the moment passed. It is highly likely that I am the only person in the world who had any idea of what the previous two minutes had been like.
Now, five decades later, I still struggle to join a small group of people. My insecurities are monstrous and, if allowed to well up, debilitate. My ego is fragile. I am easily unnerved. Exasperation is just a request away.
But I go! Why?
Looking back, not once have my worst fears ever become a reality! I go because I have yet to join a small group where I did not have a personal affirmation from God. Not big and loud. But, soft and reassuring.
Second, there is a law of graduation. The keener I feel the pull to be with God, the keener I feel the pull to be with His people who have a keenness to be near Him. Yeah, I know they have character flaws and moral failures, but God is still able to use them to encourage me. And I need that from their “social clicking” thing, but God has a way of working through that to make Himself known. In addition, if the group gets too self-contained, God will either use me to reshape the group dynamics or lead me to a different group.
Bible study groups are kind of like clouds. Individual droplets of water vapor gather together and eventually form a cloud that will eventually water the earth below it for things to grow and prosper.
So, yes, you need to take your little wisp of vapor and join with other wisps of vapor to form a cloud. You will most certainly discover that the lives around you will grow and prosper.
For where two or three are gathered in My name [meeting together as My followers], I am there among them. (Matthew 18:20, Amplified Bible)
Photo: Rutledge Falls and swimming hole, east of Tullahoma, Tennessee.
Baldwin Heirlooms 